His Perfect Submissive Page 4

  She shrugged, her gaze glued to her hands. He supposed she was afraid to get into it with him. She was probably afraid he'd backhand her for disagreeing with him.

  "I'm a dominant, not a damned sadist. And definitely not a wife beater."

  "What—umm—what's the difference?” She had sunk into the corner of the seat as far from him as possible. Her voice was tiny, little more than a whisper, and he thought it contained more than a hint of fear.

  What a friggin mess, he thought. He drew a deep breath and slid his hand across the seat, taking Kara's hand in his. It felt important to have her hand nestled in his as he sorted out the misunderstanding and tried to work his way through the lingering distrust his bungled proposal had left her with.

  "A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on someone else. Being dominant is more about enjoying being in control and sometimes the knowledge that you have the power to inflict pain if you wanted to,” he explained.

  "But you don't want to? Inflict pain I mean."

  "Not just for pain's sake, no Kara, I don't.” He sighed, feeling weary of her distrust.

  She looked at him. Her gaze still filled with doubt. He took a deep breath. “If I were a sadist I would spank you just because I enjoyed hurting you.” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “As a dominant, choosing to spank you would have other reasons behind it. I would still likely intend for it to hurt, and it might even make you cry but my goal would be to help you submit to my authority. It wouldn't be just about hurting you. Does that make sense?"

  She shrugged. “Sort of. What you're saying is you want to be in control and you're willing to hit me to make me do what you want me to?"

  "No Kara, I'm not a control freak. Think about it a little bit.” He struggled for patience, frustrated that she continued to think the worst of him. “If I were a control freak I wouldn't have asked you what you wanted to drink. I would have brought you what I wanted you to have.” He paused letting his words sink in. “I wouldn't have called you practically every day to find out your preferences for wedding flowers and cake and everything else. If I was a control freak I would have made the damned decisions and left you to put up with them."

  Kara shrank further against the passenger door tugging her hand free of his. He immediately regretted the rough edges of frustration that had entered his voice. He remained silent. He needed time to regain his patience and his equilibrium. He needed to stay calm if he was going to work through her vision of him as a control freak and a batterer. Hell.

  "I'm sorry.” Her voice was soft and delicate and almost inaudible from her corner of the car.

  "There's nothing for you to be sorry about Kara. You took what you took from what I said. It's an honest mistake. It's not your fault I behaved like a selfish bastard rushing you into marriage because it's what I wanted.” He drew a deep breath and reached for her hand again. He twined his fingers with hers. “If I had it to do over again I would take more time and not rush you quite so much."

  The words sat between them in the silence that descended over the car. Several minutes passed before Slade spoke again, and when he did his voice was soft and without the rough edges of frustration. “I don't know where you got the idea that I would ever hit you for any reason or under any circumstance. I wouldn't. Ever."

  "But you said—” her voice trailed off.

  "I said that if the situation warranted it I would paddle your backside to keep you in line. At least from my perspective there's a big difference between hitting someone and spanking them."

  She shrugged. “It seems like pretty much the same thing to me."

  "They're different Kara.” He sighed, squeezing her hand.

  "Hitting is an out of control; impulsive act intended to physically hurt someone. It's used to bully someone and make them comply when they don't really want to. It's about a bigger person picking on a smaller one.” He cast her a sidelong glance. “Spanking is very controlled and purposeful. It's an intimate expression of a dominant's control and a submissive's desire to submit to his control."

  He glanced toward Kara. She was so innocent it made him ache. He couldn't imagine ever wanting to force her to do anything she didn't want to do. And if he did want to compel her to do something spanking her would be the last method he'd choose. “It's not something I would ever do to you without your consent."

  Kara was quiet. Still. He maneuvered the car in and out of traffic and cast the occasional sideways glance at her as she sat silently. She was probably trying to work out what all of this meant for her. He wished he could help her but he knew there were some things she wouldn't understand until she experienced them for herself.

  "Are you hungry?” he asked after awhile.

  She nodded.

  "It's about two hours to the cabin. Would you rather stop now or wait till we are closer to the cabin where we can find somewhere fancier?"

  "Can we stop now? I haven't eaten today and I am really hungry."

  "Kara,” he sighed, hoping his exasperation was clear in his voice. “It's 4:30 in the afternoon and you haven't eaten. It's no wonder you have a headache."

  "I know.” She sighed deeply. “I was too nervous to eat this morning and I didn't want to be sick so I didn't eat at the reception."

  He decided it was a good thing for her backside that he was committed to taking his time and introducing her to discipline gradually, otherwise he would be sorely tempted to spank her sweet little bottom for not eating.

  "Are you feeling better? Is talking helping?” he asked as he maneuvered the SUV off the exit ramp.

  At the bottom of the ramp he turned right and followed the sign that advertised several restaurants in that direction.

  "Yes it's helping. I don't feel quite as scared. I still feel—” he cast a sideways glance at her, mesmerized by the tangle of emotions that played over her expressive face as she searched for the right word.

  "Uncertain?” he supplied. “Steak okay?” he asked as he turned the car onto the frontage road that served several fast food restaurants and a steak house.

  "Steak sounds wonderful. No, not really uncertain, although that's part of it I guess."

  He pulled the SUV into the Ned's Steakhouse parking lot and parked.

  "So, if it's not uncertain?"

  "More like—lost—."

  "Uhm—Lost huh?” He pondered her choice of words, wondering what she meant by lost, what she still needed from him that he hadn't given her. He killed the engine and turned in the seat so he could give her his full attention. “Talk to me about feeling lost Kara."

  She sucked in a deep breath and dropped her gaze to her hand that was still enclosed in his. He stroked her with his thumb.

  "I feel like I don't know anything.” Her voice was earnest. “I don't know where I fit in this whole dominant submission thing. I don't know anything about being submissive or what that means to you.” Her voice rose and caught and he thought for a moment she was going to cry.

  He longed to pull her against his chest and wrap her in his arms but she was too tense, her breathing too ragged and he knew that such a move would only make her pull away.

  He knew she was used to knowing where she fit and that she was probably also used to feeling confident of her abilities. He hadn't meant to, but he had taken that away and left her feeling uncertain and inadequate.

  He wished he had it to do over again, and could take the time to make things right between them instead of rushing her into the marriage as he had, but he didn't have that luxury.

  "Dominance and submission is complex Kara. It's different for every couple that does it. I cannot explain what it will become for us, partly because it will depend some on what you want it to be too. It's the kind of thing you'll have to experience to really understand."

  "Yes, but I'm afraid I'm going to mess everything up before I get there,” she sighed.

  Her voice was so solemn that it cut at him. He stroked her cheek. “There is nothing to mess up Kara. I know I dumped a
lot in your lap the day I asked you to marry me but really all I want from you right now is to earn your trust and get to know you better. The rest of it will fall into place over time. Okay?"

  She didn't know how it happened or when she had stopped fearing him and had started trusting him, at least a little but his reassurance soothed her.

  He stroked her cheek and she nodded her understanding. Then his mouth pressed against hers. She tensed, anticipating the breathlessness and the terror as the memory of being held down, her breath cut off by someone larger and stronger teased the edges of her consciousness.

  The kiss wasn't like the ones that she remembered. This one was a gentle caress that coaxed more than it demanded. Slade's mouth didn't hamper her ability to breathe, didn't cause her to feel dizzy or to black out.

  She relaxed a little, bemused by the gentle stroke of Slade's tongue along her lip and the command to open her mouth that he whispered against her lip.

  She opened her mouth, unprepared for the soft stroke of Slade's tongue as it teased her mouth. The unfamiliar intimacy sent a stab of heat to her center.

  She was shocked by the warmth that filled her and by the lack of terror. There was no fear, no dizziness, no nausea, no panic attack. Only sweetness and the sense that she was okay, that Slade wasn't going to hurt her.

  She lifted her hands to his broad shoulders, liking the solidness of him beneath her hands.

  She didn't protest as his tongue slid into her mouth, teasing an intimate dance of liquid warmth in its wake.

  Her mind raced. He'd been kind and gentle and matter of fact when he'd explained his feelings about dominance and submission and what he wanted from her. The whole day he'd treated her with kindness and respect. He hadn't belittled her when he could have. He'd remembered her headache and gotten her medicine, he'd cared that she preferred Mountain Dew from the fountain rather than a bottle.

  It all combined making her feel soft and warm, cared for, and taken care of in a way that was completely new to her. She clung to him feeling grateful to him for helping her brother and for trying to make her feel comfortable in this new marriage. His kiss deepened, his mouth urging hers to open more as one large hand slid up her back and beneath the curtain of her hair to caress the tight spot at the base of her neck. She opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to find hers again.

  His hand kneaded her tight muscles, easing the strain that had overwhelmed her. His tongue explored her mouth engulfing her in unfamiliar pleasure that made her open to him, admitting him, like a flower opens to admit the sunshine.

  She felt his hand move as it slipped beneath her sweater. She shifted slightly, moaning a protest that was swallowed up by his mouth. “Um—please. Slade—no—” she murmured, twisting to avoid the touch of his palm as it slid up her rib cage toward her breast.

  "Shhh Kara, I just want to make you feel good,” he whispered against her neck as his hand stilled. His other hand stroked her hair and her neck.

  She heaved a sigh of relief, the knowledge that the hand beneath her sweater had paused that he was waiting for her permission to go forward eased her fear and made her feel more comfortable. The knowledge that he would stop if she insisted made her feel safe. His hand felt good where it rested against her rib cage. She both wanted him to touch her and wanted him to stop.

  "Relax and let me make you feel good Kara,” he whispered in her ear as his hand began to slip slowly up her rib cage toward her breast.

  She wanted to protest but her breath caught in her throat as his large, warm hand closed over her breast. The sensation was hot and bold and completely new. She'd never experienced anything like it before.

  His fingers caressed her breasts and then her nipples through the lacy fabric of her bra. She felt dizzy with pleasure. Heat pooled in her midsection and lower in her pelvis as He pushed her bra up shifting it so that her breasts were free and bare to his touch. A tremor ran from her nipples to the heated core between her legs and she moaned as Slade eased her back slightly. His mouth slipped from hers, his eyes intent on her face, watching her, as he continued to stroke her now bare nipples, teasing them, making her want the next gentle brush of his fingers on the hard peaks. She was aware of him watching her, of him enjoying her pleasure.

  She closed her eyes, whimpering her satisfaction. As she whimpered Slade began to pinch her nipples, not hard, but just enough that the sensation alternated between intense bliss and pain that hovered on the edge of pleasure. Kara was lost in the sensation, arching her back and offering her breasts to him.

  She felt as if her entire being was on fire, consumed, and all she wanted was more of the exquisite pleasure-pain he was giving her.

  His touch was like sweet magic. She was tight with pleasure as she moaned, arching her tender nipples into his hands not understanding the urgency to have him tease them or why it was happening now. She only knew that his touch felt good and she wanted it to continue.

  "Kara, Honey,” he whispered throatily against her mouth. “We have to stop."

  She whined in protest, the magic that had taken over beginning to dissipate as his hand on her nipples gentled, and he stroked her tenderly.

  She didn't want him to stop. The knowledge shocked her.

  Disappointment swelled within her as Slade's touch gentled and the pleasure pain sensation he'd been building began to wane.

  He pulled her tight against him flattening her breasts against his chest as he settled his mouth on hers. “We have to stop,” he whispered as he lifted his lips from hers. He pressed her face against his chest and tugged her bra back in place. “I don't want your first time to be here in a parking lot."

  She hid her face in his chest feeling a flush of embarrassment at the way she had whined and whimpered as he'd pinched and teased her.

  She felt lost in the aftermath of the passion he had ignited. She had never imagined that she could actually like being held or kissed or God forbid, touched. The knowledge that she had enjoyed it stunned her and left her reeling.

  She could not even begin to understand why she had dissolved in Slade's arms or how she could have actually enjoyed the feel of his mouth and the touch of his hands on her breasts.

  Slade held her, his hand idly stroking her back as she snuggled against his chest, marveling at the contentment she felt.

  Confusion tugged at her mind. She'd always thought her ability to enjoy intimacy with a man had been taken from her when she was seven. Yet she couldn't deny what she'd felt with Slade.

  The thought that it had something to do with trust crossed her mind and began to take root. She'd never feared her father or her brother and they were both male. Of course they had never touched her intimately either. But she thought it went beyond that. Maybe she hadn't feared them because she had trusted them not to hurt her.

  Maybe Slade didn't frighten her because she trusted him not to hurt her. The knowledge both bewildered and thrilled her.

  He felt her stir against him and finally pull away as she sat up. She looked up at him with a soft bemused smile that sparkled in her eyes and warmed her face.

  A soft blush crept across her cheeks surprising him after her heated response. “You're not feeling embarrassed, are you?” he asked.

  "Yes.” Her single word response was something between a whisper and a croak.

  The knowledge that she was embarrassed by her response stabbed him in the gut and made him want to protect her. “Kara, there's no reason for you to be shy with me.” He stroked his knuckles along her cheekbone. “I like making you feel good and I love the way you responded to me. It was like having liquid fire beneath my hands.” He nuzzled the top of her head, drawing in the soft floral scent of her hair. “It's beautiful. You're beautiful. There's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about."

  He snuggled her against him, resting his chin against the top of her head.

  She intrigued him. She was so painfully shy, in some ways so repressed, and yet she had been so responsive she had made his head spin with desire
.

  Finally he drew a deep breath. “How about we get some dinner, before my good intentions fly out the window?"

  Chapter 5

  Kara was suffused in the warm tingle of pleasure as Slade helped her down from the SUV. Everything felt fuzzy, as if a fog of bliss surrounded her. Although she knew that eventually the pleasant mist would lift, and like Cinderella, she would revert to her damaged self, she was in no hurry for that to happen.

  She didn't know how he'd managed it, without the terror filled memories raising their ugly heads, but Slade had given her a taste of sexual pleasure and an awareness of herself as feminine and desirable that was pleasant and exciting and completely new to her. She felt almost whole for the first time in her adult life and she was loath to break the magical spell he had cast.

  She didn't pull away, didn't even think of pulling away, as he tugged her against his side and wrapped one strong arm around her, anchoring her to him. She went smoothly, surprised at how well she fit into the spot against his side and by how well they moved together, almost as if they had been friends for years.

  Slade was tall and lithe, a contrast to her softer, rounder form and yet, as they walked his muscles rippled against her hinting at a controlled power that made her feel dainty in comparison. The heat of his body radiated into her, warming her against the nip in the December air.

  She felt strangely lighthearted, almost giddy as Slade opened the heavy restaurant door and urged her inside. He released her from his side, taking her hand, as he led the way to the back of the empty restaurant.

  Kara glanced around enjoying the homey atmosphere created by a combination of stucco and rustic wood walls. The stucco was a pretty off white, with vines and morning glories painted on it. The wood walls were adorned with shelves that held collections of old cups and saucers, teapots, and salt and pepper shakers.

  "This okay with you?” Slade asked as he stopped near a corner booth.